Michael Gallagher

Michael Gallagher

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My job is full of guilty pleasures. It’s probably what gets me out of bed at 5:15 a.m. every day.

There is a case to be made that some of this stuff does not reflect well on me as a human being but, on the other hand, life is “nasty, brutish and short” as the poets say, so you should harvest pleasure where you can.

OK, case in point. Thursday morning I was reading an article about QAnon follower Jo Rae Perkins winning the Republican primary for U.S. Senate in Oregon.

First of all, I find the QAnon conspiracy wildly entertaining, as long as no one gets killed (which unfortunately is not out of the question).

There have been other candidates who have embraced the QAnon conspiracy, but this woman is definitely the first on the West Coast to make it to the general election for a U.S. Senate seat.

What really tickled me though was she compared believing in Q to believing in Jesus Christ — as a matter of faith that transcends proof.

First all apologies to Q believers out there, but I am pretty sure the whole thing was dreamed up by a couple drunk guys on the internet saying, “I wonder if we can get people to believe this,” before snorting beer out their noses.

I appreciate her equating that with Christianity. I am eagerly awaiting Biblical scholars weighing in on this one. Admittedly, I enjoy conspiracy theories a bit more than I should.

And then just when I thought my day couldn’t get any better, I came across an article in which Prince Charles was trying to convince furloughed British workers to go work in the fields to bring in the crops. (Fun fact: Prince Charles owns an organic farm, which hearkens back to a time before mechanized, chemical-based farming when the peasants could be flogged.)

Just the idea of a member of a royal family whose entire shtick is they don’t work, encouraging people whose lives have only recently been ripped out from them by the economic crises spurred by the COVID-19 to buck up and come harvest his potatoes and carrots makes me appreciate the Revolutionary War all more.

Sticking with the “working people just need to be told what to do theme,” leads us to the news from Thursday afternoon that Republicans in the D.C. are heck bent on eliminating the main hurdle keeping Americans from returning to the workforce — too generous unemployment benefits.

I have yet to meet a working person who has failed to tell that he or she would be a much more committed contributor to the American workplace if only the government was not so generous in dumping billions of dollars into their pockets at the first sign of an economic downturn.

Oops, I got that mixed up. It’s the Wall Street and corporate honchos who have to be made at least financially whole. Workers need to work, and work for less money, if they know what’s good for them.

Spot on, Mitch McConnell, spot on.

Forget the threat of disease or death, the real threat to America is a $600 check. If I had any sense, or if I qualified for that $600 check, I would use that money to buy a cheap air ticket on whatever airline has yet to go bankrupt, fly to England and make sure Prince Charles gets his crops in. That would qualify me for some sort of glorious death, buried on the side of the road in an unmarked grave. Who could ask for more?

There is just something about rich and powerful people determining what’s really wrong is working class people not doing what they should be doing, which is working. I don’t know why I enjoy that so much, but I do.

If life has shown me anything over the past 56 years is that I will never cease to be entertained.

Contact managing editor Michael Gallagher at mgallagher@kvnews.com

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